#057: Perfectionism - How to Stop ”Shoulding” Yourself!

Are you someone who is caught up in telling yourself what you “should” be doing or achieving? Someone once said, “Perfectionism is a trait that makes life an endless report card on accomplishments or looks.” If you or someone you know struggles with perfectionist behaviors or self-shoulding, this episode is for you.

In this episode of “Asking For A Friend," TalkDoc, Meredith and Teighlor identify three types of perfectionism and the danger of high expectations. They identify practical strategies for combating self-shoulding and forcing perfectionism on our children and those around us.   

Music by Epidemic sound.

 

SHOW NOTES:

EP 57 : Perfectionism - How to Stop Self Shoulding

Experts :   Hewitt and Flett (1991), Ruggeri (2018), Harvard Business Review (2018), Fry and Debats (2006), Bracket and Stern (2020),  Haimovitz and Dweck (2017)

Resources :
Book : Mindset: The New Psychology of Success-Carol Dweck
AFAF EP 4 : Birthday mindset

Tools : Three types of perfectionism : Hewitt and Flett (1991)

1. Self-oriented : adhere to strict standards while maintaining strong motivation to attain perfection and avoid failure; engage in stringent self-evaluation.
2. Other-oriented : set unrealistic standards for significant others (e.g., partners, children, co-workers) coupled with a stringent evaluation of others' performances.
3. Socially-prescribed : believe that others hold unrealistic expectations for their behavior (and that they can't live up to this); experience external pressure to be perfect, believe others evaluate them critically.

TC4G :  

“It’s the idea that you don’t have to be perfect to be lovable or to be loved.”

1. Find the root cause – which kind of perfectionism are you? (of the three)
2. Understand that your best self doesn’t equal your best outcome or accomplishment.
3. Engage in realistic goal setting to reduce your stress.
4. Reward effort over outcomes and celebrate learning new processes
5. Celebrate goals that you meet.