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Dr. Pamela Kreiser (with Meredith Edwards Nagel and Teighlor Polendo) shares her practical insights about how to improve relationships and promote peace—drawing upon her experience teaching graduate and undergraduate students, serving as a Lead Mediator, and training Mediators. Submit your questions to hello@afafpodcast.com KEYWORDS: Communication, Interpersonal Communication, Interpersonal Conflict, Relationships, Mediation, Human Connection, Dyadic Communication, Interpersonal Communication Skills.
Episodes
Tuesday Nov 28, 2023
Tuesday Nov 28, 2023
Money matters can be challenging terrain for many couples, often leading to heated arguments and unnecessary stress. Research consistently highlights the prevalence of issues arising from a lack of open communication about finances. How were you raised to approach the subject of money? Was it a common topic or a conversational taboo?
Join TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor as they unravel the complexities of financial discussions within relationships. In this episode, we explore the roots of financial communication education – or lack thereof – and its impact on current relationship dynamics.
Discover the power of proactive stress management versus reactive stress when it comes to discussing finances. Listen to strategies for navigating these inevitable stress points, emphasizing the importance of addressing money matters outside the heat of a crisis. Tune in as we guide you through healthy ways to approach, articulate, and time your discussions about money with your partner. From strategies on staying informed and educated to incorporating productive language, we've got you covered.
Ever thought about scheduling "money check-ins"? We explore this innovative approach as a pathway to fostering consistent and constructive communication about finances in your relationship. Don't let money be a stumbling block; turn it into a catalyst for deeper connection and understanding.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Resources : marriage.com
Top ten reasons for divorce from marriage.com
https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/
Statistics on arguing about money:
Lack of Money Communication before marriage:
Tools :
Tips from WhiteBoard Finance (Youtube):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4_CdtkcCxM
- Be honest / transparent (go over you assess and liabilities 401k vs student loans)
- Goals (shared not individual) 1. saving /emergencies 2. Travel 3. Taxes 4. House 5. Car 6. Insurance
- Separate or joint (studies suggest joint = happier longer marriages) Hybrid put in same percent of income into shared expenses
- Budget together
- recurring expenses
- No need to split 50/50. Maybe higher earner takes on bigger cost mortgage vs bills
- Max out tax advantages (401k) first
- Regular Reviews (should meet regularly to go over goals, revisit shared goals and new goals)
- Monthly
- Quarterly
- Annually
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) : Schedule and Have Regular Conversations about Money!
Links :
Episode 80 - Red Flags in Relationships and Dating!
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/04fba5aa22def91904d762e99f13460b
Tuesday Nov 14, 2023
Tuesday Nov 14, 2023
Ever felt like your attempts to listen were falling short? Do you find yourself inadvertently steering conversations in the wrong direction? We've all been there. Join your hosts, TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor, as we navigate the nuances of effective listening and unravel responding errors that hinder our ability to truly connect with others.
Communication breakdowns happen when we misinterpret the context or jump into problem-solving mode when someone simply needs an empathetic ear. Have you ever noticed the domino effect of someone tuning out when they feel unheard? It's a cycle we've all experienced.
In this episode, we're not just scratching the surface—we're diving deep. Learn from real-life scenarios as we discuss nine common responding errors that can throw a conversation off course. Tune in for practical tips and strategies to enhance your listening skills. Discover how to break free from the cycle of communication breakdowns and foster deeper connections with those around you. Because when we truly listen, we not only hear words but also understand the emotions and stories behind them.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Wolvin and Coakley
Resources :
Listening Education
https://www.listen.org/resources/Documents/LE%202011-2.pdf
https://edge.sagepub.com/system/files/77593_5.1ref.pdf
Responding Errors:
- Stage Hogging
- Overly Focusing on Details
- Creating Distractions
- Selectively Responding
- Interrupting
- Focusing on the Speaker’s Delivery or Criticizing the Speaker
- Insensitive Responding
- Defensiveness
- Ambushing
Links :
Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys
https://www.amazon.com/Dave-Barrys-Complete-Guide-Guys/dp/0449910261
Tuesday Oct 31, 2023
Tuesday Oct 31, 2023
Have you ever pondered the art of effective listening? Are you truly a master of the subtle yet essential skill of listening?
Join TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor as we dive deep into the world of listening. Discover the mechanics behind this underrated but vital aspect of communication. We'll explore the key elements of the listening process, as highlighted by communication experts Wolvin and Coakley: Hearing, Attending, Understanding (Comprehension), Remembering, and Responding.
We shed light on the common pitfalls and errors in listening that can hinder our connections with others. From not paying attention and faking interest to the sneaky tactics of selective listening, insulated listening, insensitive listening, and ambushing, we'll help you identify and overcome these barriers to truly enrich your relationships.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Wolvin and Coakley, DeVito
Resources :
Listening Education
https://www.listen.org/resources/Documents/LE%202011-2.pdf
https://edge.sagepub.com/system/files/77593_5.1ref.pdf
Links :
Episode #005: Shut Down Mode - How to Manage Stonewalling
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/100334e9de176a1fa5f53be4503458cf
Episode #015: What the Phub!
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/49181892af68bd3170e025ea77a58de5
It’s Not About the Nail
Tuesday Oct 17, 2023
Tuesday Oct 17, 2023
Grief is a universal emotion, yet it remains a topic shrouded in misunderstanding and discomfort. How do we navigate grief, and can we find new ways to understand, manage, and even grow through it? Join us as we embark on a transformative conversation with Arianna Caligiuri, who shares her profound insights and strategies to cope with grief.
Join TalkDoc, Meredith, Teighlor, and Arianna, as we dive into unique approaches to grief management. Listen to Arianna explain how breathwork and physical movement effective tools for healing and processing grief can be. Discover how these practices can guide you through the labyrinth of emotions that grief often brings.
But that's not all; Arianna also helps us understand the importance of our words and phrases when supporting those who are grieving. Learn why saying "Everything will be okay" or "Call me if you need me" may not always be the most helpful expressions of empathy and discover alternative ways to connect and be there for our loved ones in their times of need.
This episode is a heartfelt exploration of grief, offering both solace and practical strategies for anyone navigating this complex and deeply personal journey. Join us as we find hope, healing, and meaningful connections in the face of grief.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Brene Brown, David Kessler
Resources :
Psalm 56:8 (NLT): “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”
Brene Brown - Braving the Wilderness
https://brenebrown.com/book/braving-the-wilderness/
Kessler - Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief
https://grief.com/sixth-stage-of-grief/
Tools : Grief Day By Day
https://www.griefdaybyday.com/
Links :
Tuesday Oct 03, 2023
Tuesday Oct 03, 2023
Have you ever found yourself at a loss for words when someone close to you is grieving? That initial encounter can be challenging. You might wonder what to say, how to provide support, or if you've been on the receiving end of condolences, perhaps you've felt unsupported or misunderstood.
In this thought-provoking episode, your hosts, TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor, engage in a heartfelt conversation with a special guest, David Leonard, the Executive Director of New Hope Grief Support Community. Together, they explore the multifaceted nature of grief, recognizing that each person's grieving process is as unique as a fingerprint. David poignantly describes grief as a beautiful mess, one that has the potential to evolve into a beautiful mosaic over time.
David shares a powerful perspective: "Grieving people don't need to be fixed because they are not broken. They may be broken-hearted, but they are not broken." In this enlightening dialogue, we invite you to listen in and discover invaluable strategies to navigate your own journey through grief and to better support others during their times of mourning.
Tune in to gain insights, empathy, and practical tools for fostering meaningful connections and communication in the face of grief. Together, we'll explore the transformative power of understanding and compassion in the midst of life's most challenging moments. Don't miss this episode—it's an essential guide for anyone seeking to navigate the complex terrain of grief with grace and wisdom.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Elisabeth Kubler-Ross; Dr. William Worden; Edith Edgar
Resources/Links:
New Hope Grief Support Community https://www.newhopegrief.org/
Childhood Estimation Bereavement Model - Judy’s House and Jag institute in Colorado
https://judishouse.org/research-tools/cbem/cbem-reports/
What’s Your Grief? On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whatsyourgrief/?hl=en
Modern Loss on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/modernloss/
National Alliance for Children Grieving (NACG): https://nacg.org/
Camp Erin: https://camperinparents.com/about-camp-erin/
Recommended Google Searches:
- “Grief support near me”
- “Grief Experience Camps near me”
Tuesday Sep 19, 2023
Tuesday Sep 19, 2023
Have you ever found yourself trapped in the aftermath of an unresolved situation or a lingering emotional burden from a past relationship? Did you ever wish there was a way to find closure and finally move forward?
In this episode, TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor dive into the intricacies of closure. We all have experienced those moments when someone hurt us, and they seemingly moved on effortlessly, leaving us stuck in a whirlwind of emotions. Closure is the key to liberating yourself from this emotional turmoil. Closure is not just about ending an emotional circumstance without pain or regret; it's about reclaiming your emotional well-being. Smith of marriage.com, who aptly defines closure as a “means ending an emotional circumstance without pain or regret. And it implies extricating ourselves from the emotional burden and no longer allowing the relationship to have any weight on our well-being.”
Drawing from the work of psychologist Dr. Ahona Guha (2021), we explore the concept of closure into three essential tasks: 1) Understand the Situation, 2) Process the Difficult Feelings, and 3) Allow Time and Distance.
Join us in this enlightening episode and embark on a journey towards closure that promises to empower you, lighten your emotional load, and help you pave the way to a brighter, more fulfilling future.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Dr. Ahona Guha - Psychology Today, Smith - marriage.com, Brene Brown - brenebrown.com
Resources :
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prisons-and-pathos/202106/how-find-psychological-closure
https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/how-to-move-on-without-closure/
Links :
Episode 11 : Self-Forgiveness - You Hold the Keys to the Cell You Occupy
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/91e8f9c4d10e7c0bf0efc0b27560dc35
Episode 10: Forgiveness 101 - How to Forgive Others
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/c587bdf876c3a40c7911fedba5dd51f8
Episode 21: Boundaries 101 - How to Say No!
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/8dc8625be3a918b62f8c9d16a1f888f9
LIST OF CLOSURE SONGS:
Taylor Swift - “We are Never Ever Getting Back Together”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WA4iX5D9Z64
Adele - “Someone Like You”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQl3WQQoQ0
Destiny’s Child - “Survivor”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wmc8bQoL-J0
Gloria Gaynor - “I Will Survive”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dYWe1c3OyU
Beatles - “Let it Be”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzvDofigTKQ
Whitney Houston - “I Will Always Love You”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JWTaaS7LdU
Disney - “Let It Go”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk
Tuesday Sep 05, 2023
Tuesday Sep 05, 2023
Have you ever heard of "beige flags" in the world of Relationships and Dating? Have you pondered over whether these seemingly mundane behaviors hold any significance in your relationships? Caitlin MacPhail, the TikToker, behind the term "beige flags," defines them as observed behaviors that might appear dull or peculiar. They neither fall into the good nor bad category but compel us to pause and ponder their implications.
In this episode, we've invited Sammi Sanchez Gomez to join the AFAF Team to dive deep into the world of beige flags. Together, we explore instances where these subtle signals might seem inconsequential, but also discuss when these behaviors warrant closer examination.
Join TalkDoc, Teighlor, Meredith, and Sammi, as we unpack the true significance of beige flags. We'll equip you with valuable knowledge and practical tools to cultivate meaningful relationships. Discover the beauty of recognizing the idiosyncrasies in potential partners and nurturing the potential for a bright and fulfilling future together.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Caitlin MacPhail, Daniel Sloss
Tools : Perception Checking
Links :
Episode 26: Perception Checking
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/e88afc79091effdacde749d121496fe6
Tuesday Jul 25, 2023
Tuesday Jul 25, 2023
In this episode, we explore various green flags that can guide us towards building successful relationships. We examine those positive signs that indicate a relationship has the potential to thrive and grow. We offer insights into the possibility of healthy and fulfilling connections with another person.
By learning to identify these green flags in others, we can empower ourselves to make informed decisions about our romantic prospects. Furthermore, we acknowledge that personal growth and self-reflection play a crucial role in creating and maintaining healthy connections.
Join TalkDoc, Teighlor, and Meredith as we unpack the significance of green flags, equipping you with the knowledge and tools to foster meaningful relationships. Discover the joy of recognizing positive indicators in potential partners and nurturing the potential for a bright and fulfilling future together.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Kelly Green, Shanita Brown, Amanda Chatel
Resources :
Article on Green Flags by Amanda Chatel:
https://www.self.com/story/relationship-green-flags
Four Couples Married More than 50 Years Spill Secret to Long-Lasting Love:
https://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/couples-married-longer-50-years-spill-secret-long/story?id=45222748
StrengthsFinder 2.0:
https://store.gallup.com/p/en-us/10385/strengthsfinder-2.0-(hardcover)
Links :
https://www.drshanitabrown.com/
Previous AFAF Episodes on Boundaries:
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/c6b431c4b18335a1759db7588986fd0d
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/8dc8625be3a918b62f8c9d16a1f888f9
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/04a05256443fa4baabf2b3dcbfcc32d9
Tuesday Jul 11, 2023
Tuesday Jul 11, 2023
Have you ever found yourself pondering the subtle indications that something might not be quite right in your relationships and dating experiences? Those cautionary yellow flags that discreetly wave, urging us to pay attention to underlying concerns as the relationship progresses. These yellow flags serve as early warnings, signaling that there is some essential work to be done within the relationship, and if left unattended, they may evolve into more pronounced red flags.
In this thought-provoking episode, the insightful trio of TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor embark on an engaging exploration of Yellow Flags in Relationships and Dating. Drawing upon the wisdom of renowned researcher John Gottman, they delve into the profound concept of the "four horsemen," which are destructive communication patterns that can erode the foundation of any relationship. By shining a light on these horsemen, they empower listeners to recognize and address potential pitfalls before they escalate.
With compassion and expertise, our hosts carefully examine the wide array of warning signs that may manifest in relationships and dating scenarios. From subtle changes in behavior and communication patterns to a growing sense of emotional disconnect, they dissect the intricate tapestry of yellow flags, offering keen insights and practical strategies to navigate these treacherous waters.
Moreover, this illuminating discussion delves into the pivotal question of when and why one might choose to terminate a relationship because of these warning signs. By exploring the delicate balance between self-preservation and relationship growth, our hosts provide listeners with invaluable guidance on recognizing the tipping point where the journey together becomes untenable.
Tune in and join us for this pivotal and transformative conversation as we unravel the intricacies of Yellow Flags in Relationships and Dating. Gain a deeper understanding of these signals, learn to communicate effectively, and embrace the tools necessary for building healthy and thriving connections. Don't miss out on this essential episode that could reshape your approach to relationships and lead you towards a path of lasting fulfillment.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Dr. Nicole LePera, Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Zand, Dr. Jill Weber, Vanessa Trine
Resources :
https://theholisticpsychologist.com/
https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/relationship-red-flags/
Links to Previous AFAF Episodes:
Episode #061: Stop Criticizing! How to Properly Complain without Blame
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/af635ca774c6d2e6773cb13662cceeab
Episode #002: Ah, Defensiveness - How to Manage Defensiveness
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/7006e63c9ed15961a921e4843f717078
Episode #064: AFAF Real Talk - Don’t Be So Defensive! It’s Me Not You!
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/c4d53cbcdc7bf08bf8a8e41c3abb9723
Episode #005: Shut Down Mode - How to Manage Stonewalling
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/100334e9de176a1fa5f53be4503458cf
Episode #012: AFAF with Shardasia LeDay on How to Reconcile
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/fdae1ec8e31fb65c2c8cb34c429f148e
Episode #062: AFAF with Vanessa Trine on Anxiety and How It Translates into the Body
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/0ea8856c22092ff47e49a366594e1a66
Tuesday Jun 27, 2023
Tuesday Jun 27, 2023
Red flags are warning signs that indicate potential problems and sometimes even dangerous situations in relationships. Red flags are easier to spot in other people’s relationships than our own. Whether it is avoiding difficult conversations, frequently referencing former relationships, displaying inappropriate levels of emotion or other potentially dysfunctional behavior, red flags are important to identify and address.
In this episode, TalkDoc, Teighlor, and Meredith identify red flags in relationships. We discuss common red flags and strategies for helping ourselves and others when they appear. Join us for this important conversation!
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Kelman, Zand, Martin, Gillis, Samuels, Weber
Resources :
https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/relationship-red-flags/
https://www.kaytlyngillislcsw.com/
https://journals.ntu.ac.uk/index.php/litc/article/view/417
Links:
Gaslighting Episode 23 (Part 1):
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/172b1da84e9ef9e99153bd3d3622698b
Gaslighting Episode 24 (Part 2):
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/3a5b4efae31991c46b80678dfad86f9f
National Domestic Violence Hotline
The National Domestic Violence Hotline (USA) at 1-800-799-7233, or National Domestic Violence Helpline (UK) at 0808 2000 247
Above all else, know that you deserve a safe, healthy relationship. If you’re experiencing any form of relationship abuse, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24 hours a day, seven days a week by calling 1-800-799-SAFE, texting START to 88788, or messaging a real person via live chat at thehotline.org
“We accept the love we think we deserve” - The Perks of Being a Wallflower