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Dr. Pamela Kreiser (with Meredith Edwards Nagel and Teighlor Polendo) shares her practical insights about how to improve relationships and promote peace—drawing upon her experience teaching graduate and undergraduate students, serving as a Lead Mediator, and training Mediators. Submit your questions to hello@afafpodcast.com KEYWORDS: Communication, Interpersonal Communication, Interpersonal Conflict, Relationships, Mediation, Human Connection, Dyadic Communication, Interpersonal Communication Skills.
Episodes
Tuesday Feb 13, 2024
Tuesday Feb 13, 2024
Have you ever been caught in the web of an undefined relationship, grappling with the ambiguity of where you stand? We've all been there, especially during those moments of introspection around widely celebrated holidays like Valentine’s Day.
In this thought-provoking episode, TalkDoc, Meredith and Teighlor dive into the world of undefined relationships, including "situationships." Join us as we navigate through the complexities of Valentine's Day and the myriad emotions it stirs within undefined connections. Ever heard of DTR (Define the Relationship) Talks? We unpack the significance of these crucial conversations and their impact on shaping the trajectory of relationships.
We bring in the expertise of Dr. Davilla, who recommends developing essential skills to enhance the health of our relationships. From effective communication strategies to fostering commitment, Dr. Davilla's insights provide a roadmap for navigating the twists and turns of modern relationships.
Whether you're in the throes of a situationship or seeking new strategies, tune in as we unravel the mysteries of undefined relationships and equip you with the tools to foster a healthier and more fulfilling connection. Your journey to improved relationship dynamics starts here!
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Dr. Joanne Davilla’s Ted Talk: Skills for Healthy Relationships
Developing Relationship Skills: Insight, mutuality, and emotion regulation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gh5VhaicC6g
Resources :
Situationships: What They Are and 5 Signs You’re in One
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-a-situationship
The DTR Talk: How To Define The Relationship & When To Do It
Links :
75% cite “lack of commitment” as their identified reason for divorce. More information:
https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/
Tuesday Dec 12, 2023
Tuesday Dec 12, 2023
The holidays are a time of joy, but they can also bring about stress, especially when it comes to openly discussing topics like money and gift-giving. It's a delicate dance that demands clarity and courage, especially in relationships that are already sensitive.
In this episode, TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor dive into the topic of setting expectations about gifts and money in those relationships we want to keep. Join us as we embark on a journey to explore practical strategies for our listeners to navigate these potentially tricky conversations. We discuss strategies including understanding the recipient's primary love language, emphasizing the importance of focusing on gifts that the receiver truly desires, rather than projecting the giver's preferences.
Candid conversations are at the heart of healthy relationships, and we delve into the art of having open and honest discussions about expectations. Setting boundaries is another key aspect that we explore, providing valuable insights on maintaining balance and ensuring mutual respect.
Finally, we explore creative approaches to gift-giving, proving that thoughtful gestures often carry more weight than extravagant presents. So, whether you're in a long-term partnership, a new romance, or navigating family dynamics, this episode is packed with actionable advice to help you foster meaningful connections during the most wonderful time of the year.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Resources :
The Five Love Languages
Steig Article on Holiday Expectations:
https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/holiday-relationship-expectations
The Simpsons - Homer’s Bowling Ball Episode “Life on the Fast Lane”:
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0701152/plotsummary/
Real Simple Article by Latimer
https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/money/talk-about-money-with-friends
Martha Stewart Article - “Setting Boundaries for the Holidays”
https://www.marthastewart.com/8186986/how-tell-friends-no-holiday-gifts
Links :
Episode 75: How to Express Your Needs to Unlock More Intimacy
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/0fe8e82f7c04dd389c68b0029e5b4abd
Episodes 20, 21, 22 Boundaries Series
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/c6b431c4b18335a1759db7588986fd0d
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/8dc8625be3a918b62f8c9d16a1f888f9
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/04a05256443fa4baabf2b3dcbfcc32d9
Money Playlist - Music from the Quiz
Money Money Money by ABBA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETxmCCsMoD0
Bitch Better Have My Money by Rihanna
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3eAMGXFw1o
Can’t Buy Me Love by The Beatles
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3WJiqc_bEs
Bills Bills Bills by Destiny’s Child
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiF6-0UTqtc
Rich Girl by Hall and Oates
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIAkRVBS-0U
Tuesday Nov 28, 2023
Tuesday Nov 28, 2023
Money matters can be challenging terrain for many couples, often leading to heated arguments and unnecessary stress. Research consistently highlights the prevalence of issues arising from a lack of open communication about finances. How were you raised to approach the subject of money? Was it a common topic or a conversational taboo?
Join TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor as they unravel the complexities of financial discussions within relationships. In this episode, we explore the roots of financial communication education – or lack thereof – and its impact on current relationship dynamics.
Discover the power of proactive stress management versus reactive stress when it comes to discussing finances. Listen to strategies for navigating these inevitable stress points, emphasizing the importance of addressing money matters outside the heat of a crisis. Tune in as we guide you through healthy ways to approach, articulate, and time your discussions about money with your partner. From strategies on staying informed and educated to incorporating productive language, we've got you covered.
Ever thought about scheduling "money check-ins"? We explore this innovative approach as a pathway to fostering consistent and constructive communication about finances in your relationship. Don't let money be a stumbling block; turn it into a catalyst for deeper connection and understanding.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Resources : marriage.com
Top ten reasons for divorce from marriage.com
https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/
Statistics on arguing about money:
Lack of Money Communication before marriage:
Tools :
Tips from WhiteBoard Finance (Youtube):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4_CdtkcCxM
- Be honest / transparent (go over you assess and liabilities 401k vs student loans)
- Goals (shared not individual) 1. saving /emergencies 2. Travel 3. Taxes 4. House 5. Car 6. Insurance
- Separate or joint (studies suggest joint = happier longer marriages) Hybrid put in same percent of income into shared expenses
- Budget together
- recurring expenses
- No need to split 50/50. Maybe higher earner takes on bigger cost mortgage vs bills
- Max out tax advantages (401k) first
- Regular Reviews (should meet regularly to go over goals, revisit shared goals and new goals)
- Monthly
- Quarterly
- Annually
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) : Schedule and Have Regular Conversations about Money!
Links :
Episode 80 - Red Flags in Relationships and Dating!
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/04fba5aa22def91904d762e99f13460b
Tuesday Nov 14, 2023
Tuesday Nov 14, 2023
Ever felt like your attempts to listen were falling short? Do you find yourself inadvertently steering conversations in the wrong direction? We've all been there. Join your hosts, TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor, as we navigate the nuances of effective listening and unravel responding errors that hinder our ability to truly connect with others.
Communication breakdowns happen when we misinterpret the context or jump into problem-solving mode when someone simply needs an empathetic ear. Have you ever noticed the domino effect of someone tuning out when they feel unheard? It's a cycle we've all experienced.
In this episode, we're not just scratching the surface—we're diving deep. Learn from real-life scenarios as we discuss nine common responding errors that can throw a conversation off course. Tune in for practical tips and strategies to enhance your listening skills. Discover how to break free from the cycle of communication breakdowns and foster deeper connections with those around you. Because when we truly listen, we not only hear words but also understand the emotions and stories behind them.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Wolvin and Coakley
Resources :
Listening Education
https://www.listen.org/resources/Documents/LE%202011-2.pdf
https://edge.sagepub.com/system/files/77593_5.1ref.pdf
Responding Errors:
- Stage Hogging
- Overly Focusing on Details
- Creating Distractions
- Selectively Responding
- Interrupting
- Focusing on the Speaker’s Delivery or Criticizing the Speaker
- Insensitive Responding
- Defensiveness
- Ambushing
Links :
Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys
https://www.amazon.com/Dave-Barrys-Complete-Guide-Guys/dp/0449910261
Tuesday Oct 31, 2023
Tuesday Oct 31, 2023
Have you ever pondered the art of effective listening? Are you truly a master of the subtle yet essential skill of listening?
Join TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor as we dive deep into the world of listening. Discover the mechanics behind this underrated but vital aspect of communication. We'll explore the key elements of the listening process, as highlighted by communication experts Wolvin and Coakley: Hearing, Attending, Understanding (Comprehension), Remembering, and Responding.
We shed light on the common pitfalls and errors in listening that can hinder our connections with others. From not paying attention and faking interest to the sneaky tactics of selective listening, insulated listening, insensitive listening, and ambushing, we'll help you identify and overcome these barriers to truly enrich your relationships.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Wolvin and Coakley, DeVito
Resources :
Listening Education
https://www.listen.org/resources/Documents/LE%202011-2.pdf
https://edge.sagepub.com/system/files/77593_5.1ref.pdf
Links :
Episode #005: Shut Down Mode - How to Manage Stonewalling
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/100334e9de176a1fa5f53be4503458cf
Episode #015: What the Phub!
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/49181892af68bd3170e025ea77a58de5
It’s Not About the Nail
Tuesday Oct 17, 2023
Tuesday Oct 17, 2023
Grief is a universal emotion, yet it remains a topic shrouded in misunderstanding and discomfort. How do we navigate grief, and can we find new ways to understand, manage, and even grow through it? Join us as we embark on a transformative conversation with Arianna Caligiuri, who shares her profound insights and strategies to cope with grief.
Join TalkDoc, Meredith, Teighlor, and Arianna, as we dive into unique approaches to grief management. Listen to Arianna explain how breathwork and physical movement effective tools for healing and processing grief can be. Discover how these practices can guide you through the labyrinth of emotions that grief often brings.
But that's not all; Arianna also helps us understand the importance of our words and phrases when supporting those who are grieving. Learn why saying "Everything will be okay" or "Call me if you need me" may not always be the most helpful expressions of empathy and discover alternative ways to connect and be there for our loved ones in their times of need.
This episode is a heartfelt exploration of grief, offering both solace and practical strategies for anyone navigating this complex and deeply personal journey. Join us as we find hope, healing, and meaningful connections in the face of grief.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Brene Brown, David Kessler
Resources :
Psalm 56:8 (NLT): “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”
Brene Brown - Braving the Wilderness
https://brenebrown.com/book/braving-the-wilderness/
Kessler - Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief
https://grief.com/sixth-stage-of-grief/
Tools : Grief Day By Day
https://www.griefdaybyday.com/
Links :
Tuesday Oct 03, 2023
Tuesday Oct 03, 2023
Have you ever found yourself at a loss for words when someone close to you is grieving? That initial encounter can be challenging. You might wonder what to say, how to provide support, or if you've been on the receiving end of condolences, perhaps you've felt unsupported or misunderstood.
In this thought-provoking episode, your hosts, TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor, engage in a heartfelt conversation with a special guest, David Leonard, the Executive Director of New Hope Grief Support Community. Together, they explore the multifaceted nature of grief, recognizing that each person's grieving process is as unique as a fingerprint. David poignantly describes grief as a beautiful mess, one that has the potential to evolve into a beautiful mosaic over time.
David shares a powerful perspective: "Grieving people don't need to be fixed because they are not broken. They may be broken-hearted, but they are not broken." In this enlightening dialogue, we invite you to listen in and discover invaluable strategies to navigate your own journey through grief and to better support others during their times of mourning.
Tune in to gain insights, empathy, and practical tools for fostering meaningful connections and communication in the face of grief. Together, we'll explore the transformative power of understanding and compassion in the midst of life's most challenging moments. Don't miss this episode—it's an essential guide for anyone seeking to navigate the complex terrain of grief with grace and wisdom.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Elisabeth Kubler-Ross; Dr. William Worden; Edith Edgar
Resources/Links:
New Hope Grief Support Community https://www.newhopegrief.org/
Childhood Estimation Bereavement Model - Judy’s House and Jag institute in Colorado
https://judishouse.org/research-tools/cbem/cbem-reports/
What’s Your Grief? On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whatsyourgrief/?hl=en
Modern Loss on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/modernloss/
National Alliance for Children Grieving (NACG): https://nacg.org/
Camp Erin: https://camperinparents.com/about-camp-erin/
Recommended Google Searches:
- “Grief support near me”
- “Grief Experience Camps near me”
Tuesday Sep 19, 2023
Tuesday Sep 19, 2023
Have you ever found yourself trapped in the aftermath of an unresolved situation or a lingering emotional burden from a past relationship? Did you ever wish there was a way to find closure and finally move forward?
In this episode, TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor dive into the intricacies of closure. We all have experienced those moments when someone hurt us, and they seemingly moved on effortlessly, leaving us stuck in a whirlwind of emotions. Closure is the key to liberating yourself from this emotional turmoil. Closure is not just about ending an emotional circumstance without pain or regret; it's about reclaiming your emotional well-being. Smith of marriage.com, who aptly defines closure as a “means ending an emotional circumstance without pain or regret. And it implies extricating ourselves from the emotional burden and no longer allowing the relationship to have any weight on our well-being.”
Drawing from the work of psychologist Dr. Ahona Guha (2021), we explore the concept of closure into three essential tasks: 1) Understand the Situation, 2) Process the Difficult Feelings, and 3) Allow Time and Distance.
Join us in this enlightening episode and embark on a journey towards closure that promises to empower you, lighten your emotional load, and help you pave the way to a brighter, more fulfilling future.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Dr. Ahona Guha - Psychology Today, Smith - marriage.com, Brene Brown - brenebrown.com
Resources :
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prisons-and-pathos/202106/how-find-psychological-closure
https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/how-to-move-on-without-closure/
Links :
Episode 11 : Self-Forgiveness - You Hold the Keys to the Cell You Occupy
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/91e8f9c4d10e7c0bf0efc0b27560dc35
Episode 10: Forgiveness 101 - How to Forgive Others
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/c587bdf876c3a40c7911fedba5dd51f8
Episode 21: Boundaries 101 - How to Say No!
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/8dc8625be3a918b62f8c9d16a1f888f9
LIST OF CLOSURE SONGS:
Taylor Swift - “We are Never Ever Getting Back Together”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WA4iX5D9Z64
Adele - “Someone Like You”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQl3WQQoQ0
Destiny’s Child - “Survivor”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wmc8bQoL-J0
Gloria Gaynor - “I Will Survive”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dYWe1c3OyU
Beatles - “Let it Be”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzvDofigTKQ
Whitney Houston - “I Will Always Love You”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JWTaaS7LdU
Disney - “Let It Go”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk
Tuesday Sep 05, 2023
Tuesday Sep 05, 2023
Have you ever heard of "beige flags" in the world of Relationships and Dating? Have you pondered over whether these seemingly mundane behaviors hold any significance in your relationships? Caitlin MacPhail, the TikToker, behind the term "beige flags," defines them as observed behaviors that might appear dull or peculiar. They neither fall into the good nor bad category but compel us to pause and ponder their implications.
In this episode, we've invited Sammi Sanchez Gomez to join the AFAF Team to dive deep into the world of beige flags. Together, we explore instances where these subtle signals might seem inconsequential, but also discuss when these behaviors warrant closer examination.
Join TalkDoc, Teighlor, Meredith, and Sammi, as we unpack the true significance of beige flags. We'll equip you with valuable knowledge and practical tools to cultivate meaningful relationships. Discover the beauty of recognizing the idiosyncrasies in potential partners and nurturing the potential for a bright and fulfilling future together.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Caitlin MacPhail, Daniel Sloss
Tools : Perception Checking
Links :
Episode 26: Perception Checking
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/e88afc79091effdacde749d121496fe6
Tuesday Jul 25, 2023
Tuesday Jul 25, 2023
In this episode, we explore various green flags that can guide us towards building successful relationships. We examine those positive signs that indicate a relationship has the potential to thrive and grow. We offer insights into the possibility of healthy and fulfilling connections with another person.
By learning to identify these green flags in others, we can empower ourselves to make informed decisions about our romantic prospects. Furthermore, we acknowledge that personal growth and self-reflection play a crucial role in creating and maintaining healthy connections.
Join TalkDoc, Teighlor, and Meredith as we unpack the significance of green flags, equipping you with the knowledge and tools to foster meaningful relationships. Discover the joy of recognizing positive indicators in potential partners and nurturing the potential for a bright and fulfilling future together.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Kelly Green, Shanita Brown, Amanda Chatel
Resources :
Article on Green Flags by Amanda Chatel:
https://www.self.com/story/relationship-green-flags
Four Couples Married More than 50 Years Spill Secret to Long-Lasting Love:
https://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/couples-married-longer-50-years-spill-secret-long/story?id=45222748
StrengthsFinder 2.0:
https://store.gallup.com/p/en-us/10385/strengthsfinder-2.0-(hardcover)
Links :
https://www.drshanitabrown.com/
Previous AFAF Episodes on Boundaries:
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/c6b431c4b18335a1759db7588986fd0d
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/8dc8625be3a918b62f8c9d16a1f888f9
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/04a05256443fa4baabf2b3dcbfcc32d9