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Dr. Pamela Kreiser (with Meredith Edwards Nagel and Teighlor Polendo) shares her practical insights about how to improve relationships and promote peace—drawing upon her experience teaching graduate and undergraduate students, serving as a Lead Mediator, and training Mediators. Submit your questions to hello@afafpodcast.com KEYWORDS: Communication, Interpersonal Communication, Interpersonal Conflict, Relationships, Mediation, Human Connection, Dyadic Communication, Interpersonal Communication Skills.
Episodes
Tuesday Apr 04, 2023
Tuesday Apr 04, 2023
Do you find yourself guessing what others are feeling or thinking around you? Do you feel like your partner expects you to know what they want without having to tell you? Do you find yourself feeling out of sync with your partner and on different wavelengths?
Having to read someone’s mind can be problematic in relationships because it can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. When we assume that we know what our partner is thinking or feeling, we may act in ways that are not helpful or even harmful.
Join TalkDoc, Meredith and Teighlor as we explore strategies for reducing mindreading in our relationships. Learn techniques for improving your empathic accuracy. Help others not have to read your mind.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts :
Sanford (2015) at Baylor University
Kilpatrick, S. D., Bissonnette, V. L., & Rusbult, C. E. (2002). Empathic accuracy and accommodative behavior among newly married couples. Personal Relationships, 9(4), 369-393.
Thomas, G., & Fletcher, G. J. (2003). Mind-reading accuracy in intimate relationships: Assessing the roles of the relationship, the target, and the judge. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(6), 1079.
Resources :
Mind Reader Poem by Ms. Moem
https://msmoem.com/2018/poems/mind-reader-poem/
Psychology Today Article (Fugere)
Can You Read Your Partner’s Mind? | Psychology Today
Links :
AFAF Episode 13: The Stories We Make Up
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/97368b3e753092d12a97c52d74b58cbf
AFAF Episode 15: What the Phub!
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/49181892af68bd3170e025ea77a58de5
Tuesday Mar 21, 2023
Tuesday Mar 21, 2023
Have you ever found yourself in a conflict and wondered why the other person acts the way they do? To you, their behavior just doesn’t make sense. You just don’t “get them.” In these moments, it’s tough to communicate with other people.
In this episode, we explore moments when our conflict styles are different from the people with whom we are communicating. We highlight extreme pairings when an accommodating style meets a competing style as well as when an avoiding style meets a collaborating style.
Join TalkDoc, Meredith and Teighlor as we explore strategies for managing the differences we face when we are in conflicts in the relationships we wish to keep.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Kilman and Thomas, Blake and Mouton, Rahim, Hocker and Wilmot (2018), Sharon Downey (2017)
Tools : Kilman-Thomas (K-T) Test
https://kilmanndiagnostics.com/
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) : Practicing All Five Styles!
Links :
Episode #72: What is your Conflict Style?
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/c2ec7b00b6d86dfcca8ef1d0c69a866e
Episode #71: AFAF with Carrie Johnson on People Pleasers!
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/f51d610dd854351ecace50e61afb0c01
Tuesday Mar 07, 2023
Tuesday Mar 07, 2023
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you had to deal with a conflict, and noticed that you always approach it in a certain way? Whether you are aware of it or not, everyone has a preferred conflict style that they tend to use. Understanding your own conflict style and styles of others can make a significant difference in how conflicts are resolved.
In this episode, we dive into five primary conflict styles - Competing, Collaborating, Compromising, Accommodating, and Avoiding. We’ll explain what each style entails and give examples of how they play out in real-life situations. By breaking down the pros and cons of each style, we’ll help you identify your own preferences and give you insights on how to recognize and work with other styles.
Join TalkDoc, Meredith and Teighlor as we explore different conflict styles and learn how to navigate them in a constructive and positive way. With our practical tips and examples, you’ll come away with a better understanding of how to handle conflicts and build stronger relationships you want to keep.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Kilmann and Thomas, Blake and Mouton, Rahim, Hocker and Wilmot (2018)
Tools : Kilmann-Thomas (K-T) Test
https://kilmanndiagnostics.com/
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) : Practicing All Five Styles!
Links :
Tuesday Feb 21, 2023
Tuesday Feb 21, 2023
Do you have trouble saying “NO” to people in your life? Do you feel guilty when you can’t say, “YES?” Do you want to be seen as “easy going” or “uncomplicated” to those around you? Or are you in a relationship with someone who has trouble articulating their needs? In this episode, we deep dive into People Pleasing with licensed therapist, Carrie Johnson. Listen to TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor explore the behaviors of People Pleasers and learn strategies for improving communication in the relationships you want to keep.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Carrie Johnson, MS, LMFT
Resources For Millennials and Older :
Anything by Brene Brown at https://brenebrown.com/
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
https://melodybeattie.com/books/codependent-no-stop-controlling-others-start-caring/
Resources For Millennials and Younger :
Dr. Katie Frac on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/dr.katiefrac/?hl=en
Hailey Paige Magee on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/haileypaigemagee/?hl=en
The Holistic Psychologist and her book, How To Do The Work
https://theholisticpsychologist.com/
Link to Carrie Johnson’s Practice :
Friday Feb 10, 2023
Friday Feb 10, 2023
In honor of our TWO YEAR PODAVERSARY we are re-publishing our episode on Women and Heart Attacks where we interviewed Staci Ross and Kim Newlin after Staci suffered a heart attack. In that episode, we walked through Staci’s heart attack experience as well as how Kim (a friend and nurse) helped her identify her symptoms and get immediate care. Heart attacks are the leading killer of women world-wide. Yet, women sometimes downplay or disregard apparent symptoms.
We hope you will pass this episode along to the women you love. Help women identify their symptoms and learn strategies to advocate for themselves.
Music by Epidemic Sound.
Experts : Kim Newlin, R.N. and Staci Ross, M.A., L.M.F.T.
Resources : American Heart Association, New England Journal of Medicine, British Heart Foundation, Lancet, Oregon Health & Science University, mysisters.org, Tisch Center for Women's Health at NYU’s Langone Medical Center, Harvard Researcher Dr. Catherine Kreatsoulas
Tools : (below)
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH):
American Heart Association - Women:
https://www.goredforwomen.org/en/
Youtube recommendation from Kim- “Just A Little Heart Attack”:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7wmPWTnDbE
What’s your Heart Health? Link to the Tool: Essential 8
https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/healthy-lifestyle/lifes-essential-8
Tuesday Feb 07, 2023
Tuesday Feb 07, 2023
Valentine’s Day and other “love” holidays are celebrated all over the world. But often, relationship partners heap expectations on each other only to find the holiday ends in disappointment and/or resentment. Are you someone who carries great expectations of your partner on Valentine’s Day? Or does your relationship partner place great expectations on you? Have you checked your expectations for this upcoming holiday? Listen to TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor discuss relationship expectations. Hear their strategies for managing expectations in relationships, especially this Valentine’s Day.
Music by Epidemic Sound.
Experts : Judee Burgoon, Esther Perel, Brene Brown
Resources :
Burgoon - EVT (Expectancy Violations Theory):
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/9781118540190.wbeic102
Esther Perel: https://www.estherperel.com/about
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) : Lower our expectations!
Links :
First Song Clip (Etta James): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qJU8G7gR_g
Second Song Clip (Barry White): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7zmRvhFEYo
Tuesday Dec 27, 2022
Tuesday Dec 27, 2022
Don’t you hate it when someone tests your boundaries? It feels like being dismissed and disrespected. It’s hard to push back in those moments and reinforce your boundaries. In this episode TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor revisit the topic of Boundary Management. We reflect on our previous episode (EP #22) on Managing Boundaries - How to Handle Difficult People. We identify ways we have improved our boundary management as well as what we still need to work on. We discuss strategies for handling boundary testers and getting role clarification.
Music by Epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Cloud and Townsend (1992), Hocker and Wilmot (2018), Gilman (2015), LePera (2019), Brown (2021)
Resources :
Tools : LaPera’s Formula: CREATE, STATE, MAINTAIN
Links :
Episode 20: Myths of Boundaries
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/c6b431c4b18335a1759db7588986fd0d
Episode 21: Boundaries 101 - How to Say No!
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/8dc8625be3a918b62f8c9d16a1f888f9
Episode 22: Managing Boundaries - How to Manage Difficult People
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/04a05256443fa4baabf2b3dcbfcc32d9
Tuesday Dec 13, 2022
Tuesday Dec 13, 2022
Without boundaries we keep the people around us “guessing” about how to treat us. We are expecting them to read our minds! But, if we want to keep our relationships healthy, we need to set boundaries so we can help others treat us well. In this episode TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor revisit the topic of Boundary Setting. We reflect on our previous episodes (EP #20 and EP#22) on Boundaries. We identify ways we have improved our use of boundaries as a tool and what we still have to work on. We discuss tools for creating boundaries to keep our relationships healthy.
Music by Epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Cloud and Townsend (1992), Hocker and Wilmot (2018), Gilman (2015), LePera (2019), Brown (2021)
Resources :
Tools : LaPera’s Formula for Boundary Setting: CREATE, STATE, MAINTAIN
Links :
Episode 20: Myths of Boundaries
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/c6b431c4b18335a1759db7588986fd0d
Episode 21: Boundaries 101 - How to Say No!
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/8dc8625be3a918b62f8c9d16a1f888f9
Episode 22: Managing Boundaries - How to Manage Difficult People
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/04a05256443fa4baabf2b3dcbfcc32d9
Tuesday Nov 29, 2022
Tuesday Nov 29, 2022
EP 66: Find Your Voice - How to Increase the Power of Your Speech
Have you ever noticed someone self-sabotaging their own speech? Phrases like, “Sorry to bother you,” “This is a little thing,” and “It’s probably nothing but…” are all examples of instances that reduce the power of our speech. When we engage in self-defeating speech, we silence our own voices.
In large organizations, many working professionals struggle with the feeling of personal uncertainty in communicating…especially women. Because there are no guarantees when we communicate with others, it can be risky. As a result, we may choose to “over qualify” our messages or self-sabotage our words as a way to mitigate the perceived risk.
Listen to our episode about How to Increase the Power of Your Speech! Hear from our guest, Michelle Thomas about communicating in traditionally male dominated contexts. Learn some strategies to improve the power of your speech through modifying message structure, pitch, and volume.
Music by Epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : O’Barr and Atkins, Shurchkov and Eckel (2017), New England Journal of Medicine (2000), Lisa Feldman Barrett (NPR), Dr. Catherine Kreatsoulas (of Harvard), Dr. Judith Baxter (Forbes)
Resources : Guest, Michelle Thomas
Tools : Restructuring speech, using descending pitch, keeping volume consistent
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) : Practicing more powerful speech in low stake environments.
Links :
Episode 27: The Dance of Visibility (Part 1): How to Speak Up!
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/1980a02db6d55a72c46cfe659ca2cb03
Episode 28: The Dance of Visibility (Part 2): How to Stop Over Explaining!
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/7256cb9fd6ba3bb1893f130453818b47
Episode 29: The Dance of Visibility (Part 3): Strategic Alignment - How to be a Better Communicator
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/51e031a91f4867fad1d39e7929d4247a
Episode 60: Women and Heart Attacks
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/5802794d3abd2e633ee6f988817c5777
Tuesday Nov 15, 2022
Tuesday Nov 15, 2022
Too often people approach situations believing they are reading the context accurately. We just believe we are right! We believe we know what’s going on in most situations! In this episode TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor revisit the topic of Perception Checking. We reflect on our previous episode (EP #26) on Perception Checking. We identify ways we have improved our use of perception checking as a tool and what we still have to work on. We discuss tools for continuing to use perception checking in the relationships we want to keep.
Music by Epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Adler and Towne
Resources : Episode 26 (the original Perception Checking Episode)
Tools : Perception Checking Formula
- Describe the behavior
- Offer two interpretations
- Request Clarification