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Dr. Pamela Kreiser (with Meredith Edwards Nagel and Teighlor Polendo) shares her practical insights about how to improve relationships and promote peace—drawing upon her experience teaching graduate and undergraduate students, serving as a Lead Mediator, and training Mediators. Submit your questions to hello@afafpodcast.com KEYWORDS: Communication, Interpersonal Communication, Interpersonal Conflict, Relationships, Mediation, Human Connection, Dyadic Communication, Interpersonal Communication Skills.
Episodes
Tuesday Feb 07, 2023
Tuesday Feb 07, 2023
Valentine’s Day and other “love” holidays are celebrated all over the world. But often, relationship partners heap expectations on each other only to find the holiday ends in disappointment and/or resentment. Are you someone who carries great expectations of your partner on Valentine’s Day? Or does your relationship partner place great expectations on you? Have you checked your expectations for this upcoming holiday? Listen to TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor discuss relationship expectations. Hear their strategies for managing expectations in relationships, especially this Valentine’s Day.
Music by Epidemic Sound.
Experts : Judee Burgoon, Esther Perel, Brene Brown
Resources :
Burgoon - EVT (Expectancy Violations Theory):
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/9781118540190.wbeic102
Esther Perel: https://www.estherperel.com/about
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) : Lower our expectations!
Links :
First Song Clip (Etta James): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qJU8G7gR_g
Second Song Clip (Barry White): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7zmRvhFEYo
Tuesday Dec 27, 2022
Tuesday Dec 27, 2022
Don’t you hate it when someone tests your boundaries? It feels like being dismissed and disrespected. It’s hard to push back in those moments and reinforce your boundaries. In this episode TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor revisit the topic of Boundary Management. We reflect on our previous episode (EP #22) on Managing Boundaries - How to Handle Difficult People. We identify ways we have improved our boundary management as well as what we still need to work on. We discuss strategies for handling boundary testers and getting role clarification.
Music by Epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Cloud and Townsend (1992), Hocker and Wilmot (2018), Gilman (2015), LePera (2019), Brown (2021)
Resources :
Tools : LaPera’s Formula: CREATE, STATE, MAINTAIN
Links :
Episode 20: Myths of Boundaries
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/c6b431c4b18335a1759db7588986fd0d
Episode 21: Boundaries 101 - How to Say No!
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/8dc8625be3a918b62f8c9d16a1f888f9
Episode 22: Managing Boundaries - How to Manage Difficult People
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/04a05256443fa4baabf2b3dcbfcc32d9
Tuesday Dec 13, 2022
Tuesday Dec 13, 2022
Without boundaries we keep the people around us “guessing” about how to treat us. We are expecting them to read our minds! But, if we want to keep our relationships healthy, we need to set boundaries so we can help others treat us well. In this episode TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor revisit the topic of Boundary Setting. We reflect on our previous episodes (EP #20 and EP#22) on Boundaries. We identify ways we have improved our use of boundaries as a tool and what we still have to work on. We discuss tools for creating boundaries to keep our relationships healthy.
Music by Epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Cloud and Townsend (1992), Hocker and Wilmot (2018), Gilman (2015), LePera (2019), Brown (2021)
Resources :
Tools : LaPera’s Formula for Boundary Setting: CREATE, STATE, MAINTAIN
Links :
Episode 20: Myths of Boundaries
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/c6b431c4b18335a1759db7588986fd0d
Episode 21: Boundaries 101 - How to Say No!
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/8dc8625be3a918b62f8c9d16a1f888f9
Episode 22: Managing Boundaries - How to Manage Difficult People
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/04a05256443fa4baabf2b3dcbfcc32d9
Tuesday Nov 29, 2022
Tuesday Nov 29, 2022
EP 66: Find Your Voice - How to Increase the Power of Your Speech
Have you ever noticed someone self-sabotaging their own speech? Phrases like, “Sorry to bother you,” “This is a little thing,” and “It’s probably nothing but…” are all examples of instances that reduce the power of our speech. When we engage in self-defeating speech, we silence our own voices.
In large organizations, many working professionals struggle with the feeling of personal uncertainty in communicating…especially women. Because there are no guarantees when we communicate with others, it can be risky. As a result, we may choose to “over qualify” our messages or self-sabotage our words as a way to mitigate the perceived risk.
Listen to our episode about How to Increase the Power of Your Speech! Hear from our guest, Michelle Thomas about communicating in traditionally male dominated contexts. Learn some strategies to improve the power of your speech through modifying message structure, pitch, and volume.
Music by Epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : O’Barr and Atkins, Shurchkov and Eckel (2017), New England Journal of Medicine (2000), Lisa Feldman Barrett (NPR), Dr. Catherine Kreatsoulas (of Harvard), Dr. Judith Baxter (Forbes)
Resources : Guest, Michelle Thomas
Tools : Restructuring speech, using descending pitch, keeping volume consistent
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) : Practicing more powerful speech in low stake environments.
Links :
Episode 27: The Dance of Visibility (Part 1): How to Speak Up!
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/1980a02db6d55a72c46cfe659ca2cb03
Episode 28: The Dance of Visibility (Part 2): How to Stop Over Explaining!
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/7256cb9fd6ba3bb1893f130453818b47
Episode 29: The Dance of Visibility (Part 3): Strategic Alignment - How to be a Better Communicator
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/51e031a91f4867fad1d39e7929d4247a
Episode 60: Women and Heart Attacks
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/5802794d3abd2e633ee6f988817c5777
Tuesday Nov 15, 2022
Tuesday Nov 15, 2022
Too often people approach situations believing they are reading the context accurately. We just believe we are right! We believe we know what’s going on in most situations! In this episode TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor revisit the topic of Perception Checking. We reflect on our previous episode (EP #26) on Perception Checking. We identify ways we have improved our use of perception checking as a tool and what we still have to work on. We discuss tools for continuing to use perception checking in the relationships we want to keep.
Music by Epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Adler and Towne
Resources : Episode 26 (the original Perception Checking Episode)
Tools : Perception Checking Formula
- Describe the behavior
- Offer two interpretations
- Request Clarification
Tuesday Nov 01, 2022
Tuesday Nov 01, 2022
In defensive moments, we face the ultimate question - Would you rather be right? Or would you rather have a good relationship? In this episode TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor revisit the topic of Defensiveness. We reflect on our previous episode (EP #2) on How to Manage Defensiveness. We identify ways we have improved our non-defensive reactions and what we still have to work on. We discuss tools for continuing to reduce defensiveness in the relationships we want to keep.
Music by Epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : John Gottman and Gottman Institute (2021), Hocker and Wilmot (2018), Brene Brown (2017)
Resources :
AFAF Episode #2 - Ah, Defensiveness - How to Manage Defensiveness
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/7006e63c9ed15961a921e4843f717078
Gottman Institute Article on Defensiveness:
https://www.gottman.com/blog/listen-without-getting-defensive/
Brene Brown’s Book - Rising Strong (2017)
Tools :
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) :
Reducing Defensiveness Using the Following Steps:
- Accepting the truth we are getting from the people we care about.
- Asking: What do I want to own?
- Asking: Where do I want this relationship to go?
- Asking: What can I do to de-escalate the situation?
- Asking: How can I turn this around from being on the defensive path?
Links :
John Gottman’s Four Horsemen - YouTube
Tuesday Oct 18, 2022
Tuesday Oct 18, 2022
Do you have someone in your life who manipulates you with passive-aggressive behaviors? In this episode, listen to TalkDoc and the team breakdown this destructive form of communication. First, we identify behavior that is considered passive-aggressive. Second, we differentiate irony from sarcasm. Next, we talk about passive-aggressive patterns of behavior. Finally, we discuss the consequences of this behavior for all of us as we manage the relationships we want to keep.
Music by Epidemic Sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Hocker and Wilmot (2018), Patterson (2000)
Resources :
AFAF Episode #59 on Anger Management
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/d3a4aa5fad6104f0aafc2a80e3cb04dc
AFAF Episodes #23 and #24 on Gaslighting
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/172b1da84e9ef9e99153bd3d3622698b
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/3a5b4efae31991c46b80678dfad86f9f
Tools :
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) :
Links :
The five worst passive-aggressive phrases at work are:
Study: The Most Passive-Aggressive Phrases, Ranked (preply.com)
Chart Based on Patterson (2000):
https://thepowermoves.com/passive-aggressive/
Tuesday Oct 04, 2022
Tuesday Oct 04, 2022
Are you someone who gets “stressed out” often? Do you wonder if you are experiencing underlying Anxiety? What’s the difference? Listen to our interview with therapist, Vanessa Trine, LPPC as she helps us differentiate stress from anxiety. In our conversation, Vanessa helps us understand when one needs to get help to manage their anxiety. Hear our group discussion about listening to our physical responses as data that reminds us to have a conversation with ourselves.
Music by Epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
EP 62 : AFAF with Vanessa Trine on Anxiety
Experts : Vanessa Trine, LPPC
Resources : Dr. Becky (below)
Tools : Support Deck (link below)
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) :
Links :
https://odddaughterpaper.com/products/support-deck
Dr. Becky - Good Inside
Tuesday Sep 20, 2022
Tuesday Sep 20, 2022
Let’s face it. It’s easy to criticize the people around us. But, research shows that too many criticisms can harm our relationships. In this episode, TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor differentiate between critical comments and useful complaints. Listen in and learn how to turn your critical comments into helpful complaints to create more peace in the relationships you want to keep.
Music by Epidemic Sound.
SHOW NOTES…
EP 61 : Stop Criticizing! How to Properly Complain without Blame
Experts : Hocker and Wilmot, Gottman, Brown, Purdue University
Resources : below
Tools : Constructive Complaint (below)
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) :
Brene Brown YouTube on Blame: Brené Brown on Blame - YouTube
Gottman’s Blog about Gentle Start Ups:
https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-criticism/
Purdue University Article on Complaints vs. Criticisms:
https://www.extension.purdue.edu/extmedia/cfs/cfs-746-w.pdf
Hocker and Wilmot’s Formula for a Constructive Complaint:
- Use an I statement
- Describe the undesirable behavior
- Use Neutral, not judgmental, language
- Ask for a specific behavior change.
Tuesday Sep 06, 2022
Tuesday Sep 06, 2022
The number one cause of death in women globally is heart attacks. So, why have heart attacks traditionally been identified as a man’s disease? The truth is that heart attacks should be a concern for everyone! In this episode, TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor are joined by special guests Staci Ross, M.A., L.M.F.T. and Kim Newlin, RN, CNS, ANP-C to talk about Women and Heart Attacks.
On a personal level, Staci talks about her own heart attack experience. Listen to Kim describe risk factors, symptoms, and strategies for managing cardiac events. Hear the group identify ways to advocate for women when they experience symptoms including strategies for being heard and medically seen more quickly.
Send this episode to all of the women in your life!
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
EP 60 : AFAF with Staci Ross and Kim Newlin on Women and Heart Attacks
Experts : Kim Newlin, RN, CNS, NP-C and Staci Ross, M.A., L.M.F.T.
Resources : American Heart Association, New England Journal of Medicine, British Heart Foundation, Lancet, Oregon Health & Science University, mysisters.org, Tisch Center for Women's Health at NYU’s Langone Medical Center, Harvard Researcher Dr. Catherine Kreatsoulas
Tools : (below)
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH):
American Heart Association - Women:
https://www.goredforwomen.org/en/
Youtube recommendation from Kim- “Just A Little Heart Attack”:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7wmPWTnDbE
What’s your Heart Health? Link to the Tool: Essential 8
https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/healthy-lifestyle/lifes-essential-8