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Dr. Pamela Kreiser (with Meredith Edwards Nagel and Teighlor Polendo) shares her practical insights about how to improve relationships and promote peace—drawing upon her experience teaching graduate and undergraduate students, serving as a Lead Mediator, and training Mediators. Submit your questions to hello@afafpodcast.com KEYWORDS: Communication, Interpersonal Communication, Interpersonal Conflict, Relationships, Mediation, Human Connection, Dyadic Communication, Interpersonal Communication Skills.
Episodes
Tuesday Nov 15, 2022
Tuesday Nov 15, 2022
Too often people approach situations believing they are reading the context accurately. We just believe we are right! We believe we know what’s going on in most situations! In this episode TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor revisit the topic of Perception Checking. We reflect on our previous episode (EP #26) on Perception Checking. We identify ways we have improved our use of perception checking as a tool and what we still have to work on. We discuss tools for continuing to use perception checking in the relationships we want to keep.
Music by Epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Adler and Towne
Resources : Episode 26 (the original Perception Checking Episode)
Tools : Perception Checking Formula
- Describe the behavior
- Offer two interpretations
- Request Clarification
Tuesday Nov 01, 2022
Tuesday Nov 01, 2022
In defensive moments, we face the ultimate question - Would you rather be right? Or would you rather have a good relationship? In this episode TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor revisit the topic of Defensiveness. We reflect on our previous episode (EP #2) on How to Manage Defensiveness. We identify ways we have improved our non-defensive reactions and what we still have to work on. We discuss tools for continuing to reduce defensiveness in the relationships we want to keep.
Music by Epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : John Gottman and Gottman Institute (2021), Hocker and Wilmot (2018), Brene Brown (2017)
Resources :
AFAF Episode #2 - Ah, Defensiveness - How to Manage Defensiveness
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/7006e63c9ed15961a921e4843f717078
Gottman Institute Article on Defensiveness:
https://www.gottman.com/blog/listen-without-getting-defensive/
Brene Brown’s Book - Rising Strong (2017)
Tools :
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) :
Reducing Defensiveness Using the Following Steps:
- Accepting the truth we are getting from the people we care about.
- Asking: What do I want to own?
- Asking: Where do I want this relationship to go?
- Asking: What can I do to de-escalate the situation?
- Asking: How can I turn this around from being on the defensive path?
Links :
John Gottman’s Four Horsemen - YouTube
Tuesday Oct 18, 2022
Tuesday Oct 18, 2022
Do you have someone in your life who manipulates you with passive-aggressive behaviors? In this episode, listen to TalkDoc and the team breakdown this destructive form of communication. First, we identify behavior that is considered passive-aggressive. Second, we differentiate irony from sarcasm. Next, we talk about passive-aggressive patterns of behavior. Finally, we discuss the consequences of this behavior for all of us as we manage the relationships we want to keep.
Music by Epidemic Sound.
SHOW NOTES:
Experts : Hocker and Wilmot (2018), Patterson (2000)
Resources :
AFAF Episode #59 on Anger Management
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/d3a4aa5fad6104f0aafc2a80e3cb04dc
AFAF Episodes #23 and #24 on Gaslighting
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/172b1da84e9ef9e99153bd3d3622698b
https://pod.link/afafwithtalkdoc/episode/3a5b4efae31991c46b80678dfad86f9f
Tools :
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) :
Links :
The five worst passive-aggressive phrases at work are:
Study: The Most Passive-Aggressive Phrases, Ranked (preply.com)
Chart Based on Patterson (2000):
https://thepowermoves.com/passive-aggressive/
Tuesday Oct 04, 2022
Tuesday Oct 04, 2022
Are you someone who gets “stressed out” often? Do you wonder if you are experiencing underlying Anxiety? What’s the difference? Listen to our interview with therapist, Vanessa Trine, LPPC as she helps us differentiate stress from anxiety. In our conversation, Vanessa helps us understand when one needs to get help to manage their anxiety. Hear our group discussion about listening to our physical responses as data that reminds us to have a conversation with ourselves.
Music by Epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
EP 62 : AFAF with Vanessa Trine on Anxiety
Experts : Vanessa Trine, LPPC
Resources : Dr. Becky (below)
Tools : Support Deck (link below)
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) :
Links :
https://odddaughterpaper.com/products/support-deck
Dr. Becky - Good Inside
Tuesday Sep 20, 2022
Tuesday Sep 20, 2022
Let’s face it. It’s easy to criticize the people around us. But, research shows that too many criticisms can harm our relationships. In this episode, TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor differentiate between critical comments and useful complaints. Listen in and learn how to turn your critical comments into helpful complaints to create more peace in the relationships you want to keep.
Music by Epidemic Sound.
SHOW NOTES…
EP 61 : Stop Criticizing! How to Properly Complain without Blame
Experts : Hocker and Wilmot, Gottman, Brown, Purdue University
Resources : below
Tools : Constructive Complaint (below)
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) :
Brene Brown YouTube on Blame: Brené Brown on Blame - YouTube
Gottman’s Blog about Gentle Start Ups:
https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-criticism/
Purdue University Article on Complaints vs. Criticisms:
https://www.extension.purdue.edu/extmedia/cfs/cfs-746-w.pdf
Hocker and Wilmot’s Formula for a Constructive Complaint:
- Use an I statement
- Describe the undesirable behavior
- Use Neutral, not judgmental, language
- Ask for a specific behavior change.
Tuesday Sep 06, 2022
Tuesday Sep 06, 2022
The number one cause of death in women globally is heart attacks. So, why have heart attacks traditionally been identified as a man’s disease? The truth is that heart attacks should be a concern for everyone! In this episode, TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor are joined by special guests Staci Ross, M.A., L.M.F.T. and Kim Newlin, RN, CNS, ANP-C to talk about Women and Heart Attacks.
On a personal level, Staci talks about her own heart attack experience. Listen to Kim describe risk factors, symptoms, and strategies for managing cardiac events. Hear the group identify ways to advocate for women when they experience symptoms including strategies for being heard and medically seen more quickly.
Send this episode to all of the women in your life!
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
EP 60 : AFAF with Staci Ross and Kim Newlin on Women and Heart Attacks
Experts : Kim Newlin, RN, CNS, NP-C and Staci Ross, M.A., L.M.F.T.
Resources : American Heart Association, New England Journal of Medicine, British Heart Foundation, Lancet, Oregon Health & Science University, mysisters.org, Tisch Center for Women's Health at NYU’s Langone Medical Center, Harvard Researcher Dr. Catherine Kreatsoulas
Tools : (below)
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH):
American Heart Association - Women:
https://www.goredforwomen.org/en/
Youtube recommendation from Kim- “Just A Little Heart Attack”:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7wmPWTnDbE
What’s your Heart Health? Link to the Tool: Essential 8
https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/healthy-lifestyle/lifes-essential-8
Tuesday Aug 23, 2022
Tuesday Aug 23, 2022
There are times when we are faced with sudden feelings of anger. The challenge is to have prepared anger management strategies to be ready for those moments. In this episode, TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor are joined by special guests Christopher Faris and Carrie Johnson who are both practicing family therapists for the past 10 years, to dive deep into the swamp of anger management.
During this episode you’ll learn about how anger works and why confronting and mastering anger will strengthen your relationships. Our hosts and guests share stories that illustrate the pitfalls and opportunities along the anger management road with practical tips and advice for mastering this beast.
Music by epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
EP 59: Anger Management! How to Tame Your Temper with Christopher Faris and Carrie Johnson
Experts: Christopher Faris and Carrie Johnson
Resources: (below)
Tools: (below)
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH):
Youtube recommendation from Christopher Faris:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YKeY09uG8U
Carrie Johnson’s Favorites:
Mindfulness Happify video recommendation:
The Happiness Lab Podcast
https://www.podbean.com/podcast-detail/37i5t-9dad0/The-Happiness-Lab-with-Dr.-Laurie-Santos-Podcast
Parenting Book by Dr. Dan Siegel
https://drdansiegel.com/book/parenting-from-the-inside-out/
Tuesday Aug 09, 2022
Tuesday Aug 09, 2022
You know the feeling….that knot that forms in your stomach….that wave of stress that hits your body….that moment where you feel hijacked and out of control. Depending on the circumstances these can be incredibly challenging moments for anyone.
In this episode of “Asking For A Friend," TalkDoc, Meredith and Teighlor dive into those moments where we get hijacked by our emotions. We discuss strategies for keeping your cool so that you control your emotions so they don’t control you. Listen in to hear practical strategies to keep your emotions in check.
Music by Epidemic sound.
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SHOW NOTES:
EP 58 : Keeping Your Cool - How to Control Your Emotions So They Don’t Control You
Experts : Wignal (2019), Bracket (2019), Brown (2010)
Resources :
Mark Bracket (2019) Permission to Feel
Brene Brown (2010) Gifts of Imperfection
AFAF EP #053: Sad? Mad? Glad? How to Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary
AFAF EP #055: All the Feels! How to Better Express Your Feelings
Tools
- Notice the sensations
- Take time to breathe/focus on deescalating the body response
- Reframe the situation – What story are you telling yourself? What unproductive thinking patterns are interrupting this reframe?
- Sit with the emotion - Validate rather than trying to escape
Tuesday Jul 26, 2022
Tuesday Jul 26, 2022
Are you someone who is caught up in telling yourself what you “should” be doing or achieving? Someone once said, “Perfectionism is a trait that makes life an endless report card on accomplishments or looks.” If you or someone you know struggles with perfectionist behaviors or self-shoulding, this episode is for you.
In this episode of “Asking For A Friend," TalkDoc, Meredith and Teighlor identify three types of perfectionism and the danger of high expectations. They identify practical strategies for combating self-shoulding and forcing perfectionism on our children and those around us.
Music by Epidemic sound.
SHOW NOTES:
EP 57 : Perfectionism - How to Stop Self Shoulding
Experts : Hewitt and Flett (1991), Ruggeri (2018), Harvard Business Review (2018), Fry and Debats (2006), Bracket and Stern (2020), Haimovitz and Dweck (2017)
Resources :
Book : Mindset: The New Psychology of Success-Carol Dweck
AFAF EP 4 : Birthday mindset
Tools : Three types of perfectionism : Hewitt and Flett (1991)
- Self-oriented : adhere to strict standards while maintaining strong motivation to attain perfection and avoid failure; engage in stringent self-evaluation.
- Other-oriented : set unrealistic standards for significant others (e.g., partners, children, co-workers) coupled with a stringent evaluation of others' performances.
- Socially-prescribed : believe that others hold unrealistic expectations for their behavior (and that they can't live up to this); experience external pressure to be perfect, believe others evaluate them critically.
TC4G :
“It’s the idea that you don’t have to be perfect to be lovable or to be loved.”
- Find the root cause – which kind of perfectionism are you? (of the three)
- Understand that your best self doesn’t equal your best outcome or accomplishment.
- Engage in realistic goal setting to reduce your stress.
- Reward effort over outcomes and celebrate learning new processes
- Celebrate goals that you meet.
Tuesday Jul 12, 2022
Tuesday Jul 12, 2022
Have you ever said something and wished you could take it back? The reality is we can’t.
Once something is said, intentionally or not, “it’s out there.” What we choose to say next, can
mean the difference between eroding or repairing the relationship with the person or people who
received your message.
In this episode of “Asking For A Friend," TalkDoc, Meredith and Teighlor get candid about their
own experiences saying words they wished they’d never said - and what happened next
that made the situation worse or better. Along the way, TalkDoc uncovers common mis-steps
we can all make and the negative impacts these mis-steps can produce. You’ll also hear
practical strategies you can put to work right away that can bring healing power to your
relationships when you find yourself in this situation.
Music by Epidemic sound.
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SHOW NOTES:
EP 56 : You Can't Take it Back - How to Navigate What You Didn't Mean
Experts : Stamp and Knapp (1990), Jonathan D. Casper (1988), Hocker and Wilmot (2017)
Resources : AFAF EP 1 The Message Received is the One That Counts
Tools :
- Slow down. Focus on impact.
- Say less. Don’t over explain an accidental message - THE KEY IS TAKING RESPONSIBILITY
- Own your own mistakes and add in context. Don’t clarify intent. Clarify relationship goals.
TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH)