Asking For A Friend with TalkDoc

#059: Anger Management! How to Tame Your Temper with Christopher Faris and Carrie Johnson

There are times when we are faced with sudden feelings of anger. The challenge is to have prepared anger management strategies to be ready for those moments. In this episode, TalkDoc, Meredith, and Teighlor are joined by special guests Christopher Faris and Carrie Johnson who are both practicing family therapists for the past 10 years, to dive deep into the swamp of anger management.

During this episode you’ll learn about how anger works and why confronting and mastering anger will strengthen your relationships. Our hosts and guests share stories that illustrate the pitfalls and opportunities along the anger management road with practical tips and advice for mastering this beast.

Music by epidemic sound. 

 

SHOW NOTES:

EP 59: Anger Management! How to Tame Your Temper with Christopher Faris and Carrie Johnson

 

Experts:  Christopher Faris and Carrie Johnson

Resources: (below)

Tools: (below)

TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH):

 

Youtube recommendation from Christopher Faris: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YKeY09uG8U

 

Carrie Johnson’s Favorites:

Mindfulness Happify video recommendation:

https://youtu.be/loioz7novpQ

The Happiness Lab Podcast

https://www.podbean.com/podcast-detail/37i5t-9dad0/The-Happiness-Lab-with-Dr.-Laurie-Santos-Podcast

Parenting Book by Dr. Dan Siegel

https://drdansiegel.com/book/parenting-from-the-inside-out/

 

#058: Keeping Your Cool - How to Control Your Emotions SoThey Don’t Control You

You know the feeling….that knot that forms in your stomach….that wave of stress that hits your body….that moment where you feel hijacked and out of control.  Depending on the circumstances these can be incredibly challenging moments for anyone.

In this episode of “Asking For A Friend," TalkDoc, Meredith and Teighlor dive into those moments where we get hijacked by our emotions. We discuss strategies for keeping your cool so that you control your emotions so they don’t control you. Listen in to hear practical strategies to keep your emotions in check.

Music by Epidemic sound.

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SHOW NOTES:

EP 58 : Keeping Your Cool - How to Control Your Emotions So They Don’t Control You

Experts :  Wignal (2019), Bracket (2019), Brown (2010)

Resources :

Mark Bracket (2019) Permission to Feel

Brene Brown (2010) Gifts of Imperfection

AFAF EP #053: Sad? Mad? Glad? How to Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary

AFAF EP #055: All the Feels! How to Better Express Your Feelings

 Tools

1. Notice the sensations
2. Take time to breathe/focus on deescalating the body response
3. Reframe the situation – What story are you telling yourself? What unproductive thinking patterns are interrupting this reframe?
4. Sit with the emotion - Validate rather than trying to escape

#057: Perfectionism - How to Stop ”Shoulding” Yourself!

Are you someone who is caught up in telling yourself what you “should” be doing or achieving? Someone once said, “Perfectionism is a trait that makes life an endless report card on accomplishments or looks.” If you or someone you know struggles with perfectionist behaviors or self-shoulding, this episode is for you.

In this episode of “Asking For A Friend," TalkDoc, Meredith and Teighlor identify three types of perfectionism and the danger of high expectations. They identify practical strategies for combating self-shoulding and forcing perfectionism on our children and those around us.   

Music by Epidemic sound.

 

SHOW NOTES:

EP 57 : Perfectionism - How to Stop Self Shoulding

Experts :   Hewitt and Flett (1991), Ruggeri (2018), Harvard Business Review (2018), Fry and Debats (2006), Bracket and Stern (2020),  Haimovitz and Dweck (2017)

Resources :
Book : Mindset: The New Psychology of Success-Carol Dweck
AFAF EP 4 : Birthday mindset

Tools : Three types of perfectionism : Hewitt and Flett (1991)

1. Self-oriented : adhere to strict standards while maintaining strong motivation to attain perfection and avoid failure; engage in stringent self-evaluation.
2. Other-oriented : set unrealistic standards for significant others (e.g., partners, children, co-workers) coupled with a stringent evaluation of others' performances.
3. Socially-prescribed : believe that others hold unrealistic expectations for their behavior (and that they can't live up to this); experience external pressure to be perfect, believe others evaluate them critically.

TC4G :  

“It’s the idea that you don’t have to be perfect to be lovable or to be loved.”

1. Find the root cause – which kind of perfectionism are you? (of the three)
2. Understand that your best self doesn’t equal your best outcome or accomplishment.
3. Engage in realistic goal setting to reduce your stress.
4. Reward effort over outcomes and celebrate learning new processes
5. Celebrate goals that you meet. 

#056: You Can’t Take it Back! How to Navigate What You Didn’t Mean to Say

Have you ever said something and wished you could take it back? The reality is we can’t.
Once something is said, intentionally or not, “it’s out there.” What we choose to say next, can
mean the difference between eroding or repairing the relationship with the person or people who
received your message.

In this episode of “Asking For A Friend," TalkDoc, Meredith and Teighlor get candid about their
own experiences saying words they wished they’d never said - and what happened next
that made the situation worse or better. Along the way, TalkDoc uncovers common mis-steps
we can all make and the negative impacts these mis-steps can produce. You’ll also hear
practical strategies you can put to work right away that can bring healing power to your
relationships when you find yourself in this situation.

Music by Epidemic sound.

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SHOW NOTES:

EP 56 : You Can't Take it Back - How to Navigate What You Didn't Mean

Experts :  Stamp and Knapp (1990), Jonathan D. Casper (1988), Hocker and Wilmot (2017)

Resources : AFAF EP 1 The Message Received is the One That Counts

 Tools :

1. Slow down. Focus on impact.
2. Say less. Don’t over explain an accidental message - THE KEY IS TAKING RESPONSIBILITY
3. Own your own mistakes and add in context. Don’t clarify intent. Clarify relationship goals. 

TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH)

#055: All the Feels! How to Better Express Your Feelings

In this episode, we discuss how to express feelings effectively. Specifically, we unpack how to better Express and Regulate emotions in a healthy way to help grow and deepen our everyday relationships. You’ll hear about which communication patterns to avoid and which ones to focus on to help us increase our emotional intelligence.  TalkDoc and the team help us visualize what Expressing and Regulating looks like by role playing with each other.  And, if you are looking for TC4G (trading comfort for growth) there is more than enough of it to go around in this episode - practical steps you can take to put what you learn into action right away.

Music by epidemic sound.

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EP 55: All the Feels - How to Express Your Feelings

Experts : Dr. Marc Brackett

Tools : RULER system for increasing Emotional Intelligence (Brackett). His book: Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive (2019)

R -Recognition of emotion in oneself  

U -Understanding of emotions involves knowing the consequences and causes of our feelings. 

L -Labeling the feeling properly is equally important.
E -Expressing feelings demands the presence of someone who wants to listen to you.
R -Regulation of emotions doesn’t entail suppression, repression, or denial, all of which don’t allow you to move past emotions. 

TC4G (TRADING COMFORT FOR GROWTH) :

1. Avoid confusing words, “I am a little mad” “I am pretty excited”
2. Avoid confusing phrases, sometimes people say roundabout phrasing like, “well if you aren’t doing anything this weekend, you could drop by” – hard to know what this means. Instead say “I feel alone”
3. Focus on specific circumstances, rather than whole relationships, Adlers says “instead of saying I resent you, say, “I resent you when you don’t keep your promises. Rather than saying, “I am bored with you” say “I am bored when you talk about money.”
4. Expand the range: Discuss multiple emotions
5. Understand the context: is this the right place to share this? Aristotle, “Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way. This is not easy.”
6. Own the feelings, instead of saying, “you make me so mad” say “I am angry” etc.
7. Use XYZ formula: (Hocker and Wilmot)
   When you do X, In situation Y, I feel Z
   When you laugh (X), when I am telling you a serious problem (Y), I feel disrespected(Z).
   When you frown (X), when I am telling you about work (Y), I feel unimportant (Z).

#054: Father Knows Best! How to Foster Curiosity and Build Self-Confidence in Your Child

As a special tribute to Father’s Day, TalkDoc, Teighlor and Meredith hand-over their microphones to their spouses - Pete, Ralph and Tommy to talk about what fatherhood is teaching them about their relationship with their kids and themselves.

Tommy guides the discussion as a soon-to-be father, with Ralph, dad to two young boys and Pete, father to 3 adult children. Together they share highs and lows through stories from their own experiences, tackling important topics like how to foster curiosity and build self-confidence.

Listen in now as these three dads shed some light on how they are shaping close relationships with their children to bring out the best in their kids as they grow from newborn to adult.

Music by epidemic sound.

#053: Sad? Mad? Glad? How to Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary

Do you leave the people around you wondering how you are feeling? Do you play it safe and “not go there?” Too often we take the easy road and fail to recognize, label, and/or express ourselves well. The truth is that all of us could improve our emotional expression to help our relationships grow. Afterall, we are emotional people who sometimes think!

 
In this episode of “Asking for a Friend with TalkDoc,” we explore three strategies for increasing our emotional vocabularies. Additionally, we discuss ways to help the children in our lives become better at expressing themselves.

Listen in now to learn strategies to help our closest relationship partners understand us.

Music by epidemic sound.

#052: Blooper Reel 4 - Uhm...Asking for a Host

As we celebrate our 15 Month-A-Versary, we continue to grow our podcast! Listen to TalkDoc, Teighlor and Meredith’s latest blooper reel to hear more of our uncoordinated moments. Special thanks to our listeners from all 50 U.S. States and from over 72 countries. Thank you for listening to Asking For A Friend with TalkDoc!

Check out our web page:   AFAFPodcast.com

Music by epidemic sound.

#051: Now We’re Talkin’ - How to Get Someone to Tell You More

Do you ever find yourself wanting to have a two-way conversation with someone else, but realize you’re mostly having the conversation with yourself? In this episode of “Asking for a Friend with TalkDoc,” we explore three simple communication tools we can use to quickly jump start a two-way conversation. TalkDoc teaches us the principle of getting out of our own way and the steps we can take to make that happen. TalkDoc roleplays with Meredith and Teighlor to show us how to use each of these tools in practice.

Listen in now to learn and laugh along the way with TalkDoc, Meredith and Teighlor so you can try out these three handy tools for better communication in your relationships with others.

Music by epidemic sound.

#050: You’re a Mother: How to Pick Your Battles and Help Your Child Write Their Own Story

Being a mother can be challenging and complex! Given the life changing impact a mother’s responsibilities carry, it’s hard to believe that a lot of the learning takes place on-the-job.  That’s why it’s so important for mothers to find places they can turn for real world perspective and practical mother-child relationship advice.

In this episode of “Asking for a Friend with Talkdoc," we celebrate Mother’s Day and all future and current moms. Soon to be mother, Meredith, poses top questions on her mind to current mothers, TalkDoc and Teighlor. Together the AFAF team discusses the ups and downs of building a positive mother-child relationship.

You’ll hear a range of perspectives from TalkDoc - a mother of three adult children and Teighlor - a mom keeping it together with two kids under three, as well as Meredith’s takeaways as she prepares for motherhood.       

Music by epidemic sound.